Letting down my guard, or not

[sonia]

I've been reading my own book Embodying Hope as preparation for trying to get it out in the world again. Turns out there's a lot of good stuff in there. And a few things I might want to change. I haven't decided yet if I'm going to make a revised edition. Small, manageable steps!

Find Calm: Practice Rest and Regulation talks about low tone dorsal vagal rest, which is a fancy way of saying a very old nervous system response that's similar to freeze, but which happens when we feel relationally safe enough to completely let down our guard. It's the response that leads a child to melt into the arms of a trusted adult.

I've been thinking about that in relation to the bodywork series I just finished. I felt safe enough with the practitioner to continue going, but not emotionally safe enough to fully let down my guard. I would get sleepy during the sessions, but I don't know if that was this rest and relaxation response, or just dissociation. It's hard to know when to push through something uncomfortable to get the benefit from it, and when to quit because it's not a good enough fit.

Comments

[sheafrotherdon]

This resonates so much. And I think, as with anything, it takes practice, you know? So, say the bodywork sleepiness was dissociation - it was still practice at being in a trusting situation and learning you'd be okay. It all adds up, I think.

[sonia]

That's a good point about it being practice. And I didn't know in advance whether it was worth the risk or not. It worked out okay, you're right about that. At the same time, looking back, I'm not sure how beneficial it was to surrender to uncomfortable treatment in this instance.

I used to say that there is an abuse-free way to get our needs met, but now I think that's naive, especially as time goes by and everything gets worse. This wasn't abusive, but it did feel like she was treating me like a thing, not a person, at times, and I wish I could have found someone who didn't do that.