Link: Emotional Pain and Sanity

[sonia]

[Content note: use of sanity/insane to label behavior in relation to pain in the quoted article.]

I went back to look at Nimue Brown's blog, and found another powerful post: Emotional Pain and Sanity. She talks about the distinctions between negative feedback, being accidentally hurt by someone else's unresolved stuff, and being hurt by someone who enjoys hurting people.

We can fool ourselves into thinking we can save such a person, or that they only do it out of pain, but stay there long enough and you’ll see that nothing changes – you do not become ‘good enough’ to please them and they do not become secure enough to let go of their justifications for abuse. There comes a time when sanity demands saying ‘enough’ and walking away.

I do a lot of walking away. Maybe I'm extra-jumpy nowadays, but I've also done a lot of staying and waiting and taken a lot of damage along the way. It's good to see someone else's clear explanation of why leaving is the only answer in some cases.

Comments

[onyxlynx]

I would probably have used "emotional health" where she uses "sanity," but otherwise the bells have been positively clangorous.

[sonia]

Clangorous, yes. (What a great word!) Also I'm sorry to hear that.

"Emotional health" is definitely a step forward from "sanity." I would have used "self-destructive" where she uses "insane", but I'm not sure about the positive side. "Self-protective"?