![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Happy Pride Month, day 15, brave
Jun. 15th, 2024 01:31 pm15. I'm proud of being brave, which means being scared and doing things anyway. It's been a survival skill, since the world is big and scary when you don't have supportive family backing you up. Being scared was a constant background emotion, so I wouldn't have gotten very far if I hadn't done things anyway. It took me a long time to distinguish between scary/challenging, and scary/terrifying.
When I was 12 or 13, I went on a school trip to an obstacle course. It was supposed to be a trust-building exercise, but for reasons I don't remember, I went with a different class where I didn't know anyone. I tackled the obstacles anyway.
One was climbing up a tall tower on a rope ladder, which was okay, and then jumping off the platform hanging onto a handle on a zip line, which 100% not okay without depth perception. I stood on that platform a long time trying to make myself jump off. There was no other way down (as I remember it, although rope ladder?), so I finally did.
And then the kids at the other end weren't paying attention any more so my handle hit the end of the line where they're supposed to catch you, bounced off, and stopped halfway back, leaving me hanging over a big drop. The people running the park had me *let go with one hand*, drop the rope coiled over one shoulder that they use to pull the handle back to the tower, and towed me to the end again where I could get off.
I didn't know in advance, but that was scary/terrifying rather than scary/challenging. My life is slowly calming down to where there isn't much that's terrifying, and I'm choosing manageable challenges like singing a tiny solo part in a family and friends concert, or biking 75 miles where there's SAG support to take me back to the start if I can't make it.
When I was 12 or 13, I went on a school trip to an obstacle course. It was supposed to be a trust-building exercise, but for reasons I don't remember, I went with a different class where I didn't know anyone. I tackled the obstacles anyway.
One was climbing up a tall tower on a rope ladder, which was okay, and then jumping off the platform hanging onto a handle on a zip line, which 100% not okay without depth perception. I stood on that platform a long time trying to make myself jump off. There was no other way down (as I remember it, although rope ladder?), so I finally did.
And then the kids at the other end weren't paying attention any more so my handle hit the end of the line where they're supposed to catch you, bounced off, and stopped halfway back, leaving me hanging over a big drop. The people running the park had me *let go with one hand*, drop the rope coiled over one shoulder that they use to pull the handle back to the tower, and towed me to the end again where I could get off.
I didn't know in advance, but that was scary/terrifying rather than scary/challenging. My life is slowly calming down to where there isn't much that's terrifying, and I'm choosing manageable challenges like singing a tiny solo part in a family and friends concert, or biking 75 miles where there's SAG support to take me back to the start if I can't make it.
