Sometimes the phrasing gets in the way of the request. I have a neighbor who would like me to be quicker about taking care of my yards, but they phrase it as "taking pride in homeownership" and being "concerned about property values", which renders me absolutely unsympathetic to their requests. My other neighbor offered to use his edger to help contain some things, and mentioned when his lawnmowing and edging schedule was, which is going to do a lot more for me keeping up my schedule to match his, and also was a nice gesture on his part. Perhaps not coincidentally, we've also had many conversations about his garden and chicken aspirations and other such neighborly things that I haven't had with the other neighbor who is more concerned about pride and money. I'll do a lot more for the neighbor that's been neighborly, as I define it, than for the one who only sticks their nose into my business to complain about how I'm not performing up to their standards.
That may be what's happening to you, even if that's not what you want to have happen. People are people in so many intimately frustrating ways, and if someone is convinced you're going to be mean to them, there may not be anything you can do to unconvince them of that.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
branchandroot
no subject
Date: 2020-12-13 01:26 am (UTC)That may be what's happening to you, even if that's not what you want to have happen. People are people in so many intimately frustrating ways, and if someone is convinced you're going to be mean to them, there may not be anything you can do to unconvince them of that.