Oh, I relate to this post very much. I agree: it's hard to untangle all these things.
I learned only a few years ago that I am autistic. The person who did my assessment said there was no question about it; the diagnosis was definite. I don't doubt it, but I am unsure how people perceive me.
When still in high school I made a decision to learn to be unlike my parents. I read everything I could about how to be a kind person and tried to put it into practice. Now I wonder if this is how I learned to mask my weirdness.
Ha. I say that, but did I mask it? I don't know. Still, I was able to avoid being like my parents: I don't drink or hit people or practice constant self-centeredness, etc.
I also have ADHD, which I resent more than cherish. It really interfered with my life and affected how I feel about myself. It brought a lot of judgment and criticism my way. The autism I like very much. It counteracts some of the disorder of ADHD.
As a child I was labeled as too emotional. Now I think some of my instability was that I was having autistic meltdowns in response to noise levels, lighting being too dark or too bright, etc. And, of course, also because it was an unhappy family.
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branchandroot
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Date: 2024-12-08 05:54 am (UTC)I learned only a few years ago that I am autistic. The person who did my assessment said there was no question about it; the diagnosis was definite. I don't doubt it, but I am unsure how people perceive me.
When still in high school I made a decision to learn to be unlike my parents. I read everything I could about how to be a kind person and tried to put it into practice. Now I wonder if this is how I learned to mask my weirdness.
Ha. I say that, but did I mask it? I don't know. Still, I was able to avoid being like my parents: I don't drink or hit people or practice constant self-centeredness, etc.
I also have ADHD, which I resent more than cherish. It really interfered with my life and affected how I feel about myself. It brought a lot of judgment and criticism my way. The autism I like very much. It counteracts some of the disorder of ADHD.
As a child I was labeled as too emotional. Now I think some of my instability was that I was having autistic meltdowns in response to noise levels, lighting being too dark or too bright, etc. And, of course, also because it was an unhappy family.