Insights into relating
Dec. 2nd, 2010 06:05 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
soniaOver the past couple of weeks, I have run across several articles which have provided just the insight I needed at the time. Thanks, Internets and all!
Prof. Susurro: Heartbreaking viaonyxlynx
"[A]pproach-avoidance is one of the best tools of the abusive professor, because if they can get you on that cycle, then they can point to your neediness and erratic behavior as proof you are a giant nut bar and they are innocent."
Issendai: Thoughts on the tenacity of sick systems
"[N]arcissistic abuse. This is abuse that hurts you by striking directly at your sense of self-worth. It leaves you with the feeling that your abuser has denied your personhood, even your existence--which sounds dry and technical, but what it means is that your abuser has told you you're not a person. Horrible, horrible pain, and it fills you with the need to prove to your abuser that they're wrong."
Fugitivus: On Interpersonal Badness via Issendai: How to keep someone with you forever
"It’s when somebody ostensibly reaches out, tries to connect, makes an effort, forgives and forgets, apologizes, etc., but within that attempt at reconciliation they belittle, mock, and insult you tirelessly."
Joanna Russ: Power and Helplessness in the Women's Movement viaoursin
"But women are also terrified by female strength, women judge success in women to be the worst sin, women force women to be "unselfish," women would rather be dead than strong, rather helpless than happy.
[...]
To understand that no one has or can have your power, that it remains in you no matter how forbidden you feel it to be, means defying the patriarchal taboo and that's very hard. It means claiming one's own limited but real power and abandoning one's inflated notion of other women's power."
Jo Freeman: The Tyranny of Structurelessness viajesse_the_k
"Elites are nothing more, and nothing less, than groups of friends who also happen to participate in the same political activities. [...] These friendship groups function as networks of communication outside any regular channels for such communication that may have been set up by a group. [...] They listen more attentively, and interrupt less; they repeat each other's points and give in amiably; they tend to ignore or grapple with the "outs" whose approval is not necessary for making a decision."
And as a bonus (didn't apply specifically to these 2 weeks, but still spot-on),
Heather Corinna: Disability Dharma: What Including & Learning From Disability Can Teach (Everyone) About Sex viajesse_the_k
"People with disabilities tend to, or at least try hard to, focus on what we can do. Not on what we can't.
If all we focused on was what we couldn't do, we'd be able to do even less, and be stuck in a perpetual pit of despair. This is a spot a whole lot of able-bodied people seem to be stuck in when it comes to sex a whole lot of the time, especially if sex is the first time or place when they have really wanted to do something where their bodies were uncooperative."
I hope you find the mirroring and validation I did in these essays!
Prof. Susurro: Heartbreaking via
onyxlynx"[A]pproach-avoidance is one of the best tools of the abusive professor, because if they can get you on that cycle, then they can point to your neediness and erratic behavior as proof you are a giant nut bar and they are innocent."
Issendai: Thoughts on the tenacity of sick systems
"[N]arcissistic abuse. This is abuse that hurts you by striking directly at your sense of self-worth. It leaves you with the feeling that your abuser has denied your personhood, even your existence--which sounds dry and technical, but what it means is that your abuser has told you you're not a person. Horrible, horrible pain, and it fills you with the need to prove to your abuser that they're wrong."
Fugitivus: On Interpersonal Badness via Issendai: How to keep someone with you forever
"It’s when somebody ostensibly reaches out, tries to connect, makes an effort, forgives and forgets, apologizes, etc., but within that attempt at reconciliation they belittle, mock, and insult you tirelessly."
Joanna Russ: Power and Helplessness in the Women's Movement via
oursin"But women are also terrified by female strength, women judge success in women to be the worst sin, women force women to be "unselfish," women would rather be dead than strong, rather helpless than happy.
[...]
To understand that no one has or can have your power, that it remains in you no matter how forbidden you feel it to be, means defying the patriarchal taboo and that's very hard. It means claiming one's own limited but real power and abandoning one's inflated notion of other women's power."
Jo Freeman: The Tyranny of Structurelessness via
jesse_the_k"Elites are nothing more, and nothing less, than groups of friends who also happen to participate in the same political activities. [...] These friendship groups function as networks of communication outside any regular channels for such communication that may have been set up by a group. [...] They listen more attentively, and interrupt less; they repeat each other's points and give in amiably; they tend to ignore or grapple with the "outs" whose approval is not necessary for making a decision."
And as a bonus (didn't apply specifically to these 2 weeks, but still spot-on),
Heather Corinna: Disability Dharma: What Including & Learning From Disability Can Teach (Everyone) About Sex via
jesse_the_k"People with disabilities tend to, or at least try hard to, focus on what we can do. Not on what we can't.
If all we focused on was what we couldn't do, we'd be able to do even less, and be stuck in a perpetual pit of despair. This is a spot a whole lot of able-bodied people seem to be stuck in when it comes to sex a whole lot of the time, especially if sex is the first time or place when they have really wanted to do something where their bodies were uncooperative."
I hope you find the mirroring and validation I did in these essays!
