"The Educated Heart" by Nina McIntosh

[sonia]

jesse_the_k asked about "Rereading a book you loved after at least a decade. (AKA: Did the suck fairy arrive?)"

I haven't been rereading much fiction, to the point that I've been selling my SF and fantasy paperbacks to Powells as part of decluttering. I think comfort reading got superseded by browsing the Internet. (Also as I think about it, so MANY of those books got visited by the suck fairy.)

Recently I reread "The Educated Heart" by Nina McIntosh because I was writing about dual relationships. I think it had been at least a decade since I read it.

It was the required text for the Boundaries, Communication, and Ethics class I had to take when I moved to Oregon in 2005, and I loved it. Nina McIntosh's writing is compassionate, warm, clear, and sensible. I was recently out of a romantic relationship that bristled with dual relationships (my ex was originally my massage therapist), and it felt like the book put a floor under me. "This is what works better. This is how to avoid that kind of mess in the future."

It was just as delightful on rereading. The little drawings are more scribbly than I remembered, but still wonderfully expressive. I didn't stumble over any egregious sexist or racist failures. A surprising number of the stories in the book have stayed with me and influenced my practice, and others that I didn't remember are reminders to stay aware.

Sadly, the book doesn't seem to be easily available anymore, and used copies are expensive. I found this blog post that explains that Nina McIntosh died of ALS back in 2010, and Laura Allen is authorized to publish new editions of "The Educated Heart."

I'm so grateful Nina McIntosh wrote this book, and that the timing was right for me to encounter it when I needed it. We never know whom we'll help by putting our wisdom out there!

Comments

[jesse_the_k]

That sounds fascinating. Can you expand a little more: why are dual relationships good/bad/tricky?

Or not is fine too.

[sonia]

Dual relationships are tricky because they can undermine a therapeutic relationship, or be tripped up by the inherent power imbalance. Also it kinda sucks to lose a partner, housemate, employer, and bodyworker all at once.

I wrote about it here, too. http://traumahealed.com/articles/elements-of-refuge/

[jesse_the_k]

Thanks for that excellent explanation. In hindsight, several of my therapists didn't understand that so well.

[sonia]

Sorry to hear that!