Imperative self-care
Dec. 25th, 2018 07:27 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
soniaI've been thinking about self-care in the context of care being my word of the year. I'm noticing that almost everything I do is self-care in some way. Daily meditation. Vision therapy exercises. Acquiring food. Preparing food. Cleaning up. Maintaining the garden. Maintaining the house.
Even the things that I have gravitated toward because I enjoy them, biking, dancing, singing, I keep doing even when I'm tired or not enjoying much of anything, because it doesn't seem like it would be an improvement in my life if I stopped doing them.
There is a sense that I have to keep moving, that staying functional is a balancing act and I'm barely making it. I was chatting with someone who has recently embraced the Law of Attraction (sigh), so she's giving positive interpretations of everything. When I told her that I worry about getting injured because my life would fall in a hole it would be hard to get out of, she expressed confidence in my determination to get out again. That was helpful to hear (for once), but my concern is still there.
Commenters onfirecat's post functional vs. well talk about pouring all their energy into staying functional enough to work. The post links to When You're 'Too Functional' to Have Your Mental Illness Taken Seriously by Karen Lowinger.
My work is care of others rather than care of myself, and at the same time it does feel like part of the balancing act. How many hours can I sustainably work per week. How can I communicate with clients who are wearing something scented in a way that honors their efforts to be fragrance-free and conveys that there is still a problem in a non-blaming way. Making sure everything is in order for the next client.
I would like to feel less like a bear running on a ball getting away from me. I suspect part of the problem is late-stage capitalism, and part of the problem is living alone. I was starting to type that I need to learn how to feel more calm and secure in the midst of it all, and that may be true, and at the same time it is yet another self-care assignment.
Even the things that I have gravitated toward because I enjoy them, biking, dancing, singing, I keep doing even when I'm tired or not enjoying much of anything, because it doesn't seem like it would be an improvement in my life if I stopped doing them.
There is a sense that I have to keep moving, that staying functional is a balancing act and I'm barely making it. I was chatting with someone who has recently embraced the Law of Attraction (sigh), so she's giving positive interpretations of everything. When I told her that I worry about getting injured because my life would fall in a hole it would be hard to get out of, she expressed confidence in my determination to get out again. That was helpful to hear (for once), but my concern is still there.
Commenters on
firecat's post functional vs. well talk about pouring all their energy into staying functional enough to work. The post links to When You're 'Too Functional' to Have Your Mental Illness Taken Seriously by Karen Lowinger.My work is care of others rather than care of myself, and at the same time it does feel like part of the balancing act. How many hours can I sustainably work per week. How can I communicate with clients who are wearing something scented in a way that honors their efforts to be fragrance-free and conveys that there is still a problem in a non-blaming way. Making sure everything is in order for the next client.
I would like to feel less like a bear running on a ball getting away from me. I suspect part of the problem is late-stage capitalism, and part of the problem is living alone. I was starting to type that I need to learn how to feel more calm and secure in the midst of it all, and that may be true, and at the same time it is yet another self-care assignment.
no subject
Date: 2018-12-26 07:09 am (UTC)So I hate meditation and doing it every day felt like a chore. But doing martial arts counts as a meditative act, and it turns out that I love them. Enough that I feel guilty about wasting my time on them when I should be doing more important things, which means it's the height of fun self care.
I have podcasts and audiobooks that run basically nonstop when I'm doing any chores. So I can look forward to finishing an episode when I do boring, repetitive work.
As for the "too functional to be taken seriously", I found that stopped but believing me once I started to tell people (therapists first) honestly what was going on in my head. I still get "but you seem so normal" from people, but they mostly believe me. "I've got an anxiety disorder and mild ocd" doesn't work, but "I was so scared I left the stove on that I went back to check it six times" does.
no subject
Date: 2018-12-26 05:37 pm (UTC)I'm glad you've found a way to communicate about symptoms that also works for you.
no subject
Date: 2018-12-26 07:10 pm (UTC)I would like to feel less like a bear running on a ball getting away from me.
Date: 2018-12-27 11:39 pm (UTC)I have finally silenced 90% of the "you're not doing enough!" brainweasels. Ninety-ten rule is in force, of course.
DBT has helped a lot with this: one of the fundamental elements is "distress tolerance." Which ends up being new scripts to replace the negative squirrel cage melodies of old.
Re: I would like to feel less like a bear running on a ball getting away from me.
Date: 2018-12-28 04:45 am (UTC)Mine feels like a slightly different (but related) problem - handing major distress by focusing on getting things done. I suppose some of the underlying distress might be from brainweasels too.