Light-skinned in Portland

[sonia]

In the context of discussing racism, a Black man told me today that I'm light-skinned, as opposed to white, and that's why I understand some of the things he goes through. I heard it as a huge compliment. It also suddenly made sense of my struggles to fit in here in Portland.

Portland is so white that I stand out as Jewish. In larger, more multicultural cities, I've been casually culturally Jewish in the background, but it wasn't an immediate part of my identity the way it is here. I have thick dark hair. Jewish hair. My braid has gotten really long, what with the pandemic and all. In the last few months, several people have commented on it as I rode by on my bike, or waited at a stoplight. Passers-by have never commented on my hair in past cities I've lived in, and it's been long before.

I definitely have white-passing privilege, don't get me wrong, and I feel an awkward obligation to check "white" when filling out a form, but it's a relief to acknowledge that I'm white-passing, not white, and that's one of the reasons I will never feel fully comfortable in this town.