Light-skinned in Portland

[sonia]

In the context of discussing racism, a Black man told me today that I'm light-skinned, as opposed to white, and that's why I understand some of the things he goes through. I heard it as a huge compliment. It also suddenly made sense of my struggles to fit in here in Portland.

Portland is so white that I stand out as Jewish. In larger, more multicultural cities, I've been casually culturally Jewish in the background, but it wasn't an immediate part of my identity the way it is here. I have thick dark hair. Jewish hair. My braid has gotten really long, what with the pandemic and all. In the last few months, several people have commented on it as I rode by on my bike, or waited at a stoplight. Passers-by have never commented on my hair in past cities I've lived in, and it's been long before.

I definitely have white-passing privilege, don't get me wrong, and I feel an awkward obligation to check "white" when filling out a form, but it's a relief to acknowledge that I'm white-passing, not white, and that's one of the reasons I will never feel fully comfortable in this town.

Comments

[minoanmiss]

Not to be excessively essentialist, but I think this is one of the reasons I am fortunate to have several Jewish friends who are among the people I can turn to when I need people who Understand.

[sonia]

Yes. There's a big difference between living in the cozy middle of white privilege, and being allowed to be on the edges. From the edges, it's a lot easier to see what happens when it's missing.

I'm glad you have people who Understand! It's something I keep searching for, and this is illuminating one of the angles on the problem.

[minoanmiss]

Heh, one aspect of it is that no one Understands everything, because we are all different and imperfect, but I have the great good fortune to have a bunch of people with overlapping Understandings in my corner.

And yes, absolutely on the geography of privilege.

[gingicat]

Thanks to my job and my extended family, I am surrounded by White Jews who believe that they’re experiencing White-passing but, here in the Boston area, have enormous privilege. I wouldn’t be so angry about it if they didn’t distance themselves from poorer Jews* and actually-POC people.

*Fellow Jewish people are always SURPRISED when I tell them how much financial support we both get and need.

[sonia]

Ugh, sorry you've experienced that distancing. :-( And also invisibility, it sounds like.

Intersectionality and not trespassing on or appropriating identities that don't belong to me are both important. Living on borders and edges is a tricky balancing act.

[gingicat]

Well, I am also White but somehow have a very different worldview.

[runpunkrun]

It's good to see your face!

I'm so sorry, and disappointed, that you don't feel comfortable here. Portland still has a lot of work to do. <3

[sonia]

Thank you! I appreciate the warmth, and it's also a good reminder that Portland is changing, and maybe my experience will change too. If I thought uprooting myself again would solve the problem, I'd be off doing that, so it's good to entertain hope that this might grow into a better fit for me.

(your default icon strikes an ironic note!)

[runpunkrun]

The secret irony of that icon is that it was made by my best friend, who was Jewish. So it's multicultural to me (and, I know, only to me).

[asakiyume]

It's a pleasure to see you!

[sonia]

Thank you!

(smiling back at your jack-o-lantern)