Focusing on singing
Dec. 8th, 2021 05:42 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
soniaI'm still Focusing with three people I met at the Untangling class. Not coincidentally, we were all part of a small group that tried to improve how the Focusing Resources business deals with race and racism. I don't know if the group effected any change, but some of us stayed in touch after it drifted apart.
In my most recent session, I Focused on singing. While I always go in kinda hoping for a big revelation that will change everything, this was a typical session in that nothing overtly changed, but I understand it better, and I do feel better about it.
Singing is both a joy and a struggle for me. I desperately want to be a better singer, more reliable about staying on pitch, learning my part, and being able to stay on a part with people singing other parts. Polyphony is hard! And so satisfying.
I really wish I had gotten music lessons as a child, but all I can do is start where I am and learn from there. I've been going to workshops and taking lessons for about 15 years now, mostly Balkan and Georgian singing.
In the Focusing session, I became aware that there are different factors in my struggle with singing.
= There's the physical instrument, how my body is constructed and how my voice naturally sounds. My job is to accept and cooperate with that.
= There are health issues, like the ongoing congestion and sinus drainage that puts mucus on my vocal cords and interferes with making clear sound. I'm doing what I can about that, but it's a long-term problem.
= And there are cognitive issues that might yield to more practice, like being able to recognize intervals, learn specific pieces of music, and not get dragged off my part by someone else's part. These things are improving, but so slowly that I feel like I'm having to grow new neurons.
= I'm noticing as I write this up that there's also physical tension and anxiety about singing, which interferes with making good sound. That's also a long-term project to address.
With all of it, there's a tension between wanting to get better, and accepting how I sound right now and what I can do right now. There's wanting to learn more faster, and wondering if age and brain fog are getting in my way.
I came out of the Focusing session with a little more clarity, and also less wondering if I'm any good. I work really hard and I am where I am, and that has to be enough.
In my most recent session, I Focused on singing. While I always go in kinda hoping for a big revelation that will change everything, this was a typical session in that nothing overtly changed, but I understand it better, and I do feel better about it.
Singing is both a joy and a struggle for me. I desperately want to be a better singer, more reliable about staying on pitch, learning my part, and being able to stay on a part with people singing other parts. Polyphony is hard! And so satisfying.
I really wish I had gotten music lessons as a child, but all I can do is start where I am and learn from there. I've been going to workshops and taking lessons for about 15 years now, mostly Balkan and Georgian singing.
In the Focusing session, I became aware that there are different factors in my struggle with singing.
= There's the physical instrument, how my body is constructed and how my voice naturally sounds. My job is to accept and cooperate with that.
= There are health issues, like the ongoing congestion and sinus drainage that puts mucus on my vocal cords and interferes with making clear sound. I'm doing what I can about that, but it's a long-term problem.
= And there are cognitive issues that might yield to more practice, like being able to recognize intervals, learn specific pieces of music, and not get dragged off my part by someone else's part. These things are improving, but so slowly that I feel like I'm having to grow new neurons.
= I'm noticing as I write this up that there's also physical tension and anxiety about singing, which interferes with making good sound. That's also a long-term project to address.
With all of it, there's a tension between wanting to get better, and accepting how I sound right now and what I can do right now. There's wanting to learn more faster, and wondering if age and brain fog are getting in my way.
I came out of the Focusing session with a little more clarity, and also less wondering if I'm any good. I work really hard and I am where I am, and that has to be enough.
