Focusing on singing
Dec. 8th, 2021 05:42 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
soniaI'm still Focusing with three people I met at the Untangling class. Not coincidentally, we were all part of a small group that tried to improve how the Focusing Resources business deals with race and racism. I don't know if the group effected any change, but some of us stayed in touch after it drifted apart.
In my most recent session, I Focused on singing. While I always go in kinda hoping for a big revelation that will change everything, this was a typical session in that nothing overtly changed, but I understand it better, and I do feel better about it.
Singing is both a joy and a struggle for me. I desperately want to be a better singer, more reliable about staying on pitch, learning my part, and being able to stay on a part with people singing other parts. Polyphony is hard! And so satisfying.
I really wish I had gotten music lessons as a child, but all I can do is start where I am and learn from there. I've been going to workshops and taking lessons for about 15 years now, mostly Balkan and Georgian singing.
In the Focusing session, I became aware that there are different factors in my struggle with singing.
= There's the physical instrument, how my body is constructed and how my voice naturally sounds. My job is to accept and cooperate with that.
= There are health issues, like the ongoing congestion and sinus drainage that puts mucus on my vocal cords and interferes with making clear sound. I'm doing what I can about that, but it's a long-term problem.
= And there are cognitive issues that might yield to more practice, like being able to recognize intervals, learn specific pieces of music, and not get dragged off my part by someone else's part. These things are improving, but so slowly that I feel like I'm having to grow new neurons.
= I'm noticing as I write this up that there's also physical tension and anxiety about singing, which interferes with making good sound. That's also a long-term project to address.
With all of it, there's a tension between wanting to get better, and accepting how I sound right now and what I can do right now. There's wanting to learn more faster, and wondering if age and brain fog are getting in my way.
I came out of the Focusing session with a little more clarity, and also less wondering if I'm any good. I work really hard and I am where I am, and that has to be enough.
In my most recent session, I Focused on singing. While I always go in kinda hoping for a big revelation that will change everything, this was a typical session in that nothing overtly changed, but I understand it better, and I do feel better about it.
Singing is both a joy and a struggle for me. I desperately want to be a better singer, more reliable about staying on pitch, learning my part, and being able to stay on a part with people singing other parts. Polyphony is hard! And so satisfying.
I really wish I had gotten music lessons as a child, but all I can do is start where I am and learn from there. I've been going to workshops and taking lessons for about 15 years now, mostly Balkan and Georgian singing.
In the Focusing session, I became aware that there are different factors in my struggle with singing.
= There's the physical instrument, how my body is constructed and how my voice naturally sounds. My job is to accept and cooperate with that.
= There are health issues, like the ongoing congestion and sinus drainage that puts mucus on my vocal cords and interferes with making clear sound. I'm doing what I can about that, but it's a long-term problem.
= And there are cognitive issues that might yield to more practice, like being able to recognize intervals, learn specific pieces of music, and not get dragged off my part by someone else's part. These things are improving, but so slowly that I feel like I'm having to grow new neurons.
= I'm noticing as I write this up that there's also physical tension and anxiety about singing, which interferes with making good sound. That's also a long-term project to address.
With all of it, there's a tension between wanting to get better, and accepting how I sound right now and what I can do right now. There's wanting to learn more faster, and wondering if age and brain fog are getting in my way.
I came out of the Focusing session with a little more clarity, and also less wondering if I'm any good. I work really hard and I am where I am, and that has to be enough.
no subject
Date: 2021-12-09 03:37 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2021-12-09 04:22 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-01-12 05:45 am (UTC)With a number of your issues, practice really will help (intervals, learning pieces, staying on your part). Yes, it'll take a while! If you can, think about your ability from 1,2,5 years ago and compare it with where you are now. I bet you've gotten better!
I also hear you with regards to congestion and mucus. You've probably gotten similar suggestions, but I personally recommend regular nasal rinses and steam/warm water/some herbal teas. (Not too much of some of them! I love cinnamon tea, but it tends to dry out my tissues. Observe what different teas have what effects for your body.) Also, be VERY GENTLE in your practice when you have a cloggy throat. Do not try to be loud! Humming-type warmups can help (1) establish your comfortable range initially and (2) help knock the mucus off.
Remember you're doing this for yourself and your own enjoyment. If a particular singing situation ends up consistently being more stressful than fun, it's probably time to rethink singing in that situation.
no subject
Date: 2022-01-12 07:16 pm (UTC)While I agree that "more stressful than fun" is a problem, it's always been both, and I've had a hard time discerning when the stress has gotten too high. As I said to someone recently, working on singing is working on embodiment, and working on embodiment is working on trauma. It's complicated. And so are groups of humans, especially in combination with the emotional vulnerability of singing.