Aaron Tarfman's memory for a blessing

[sonia]

Remembering Aaron Tarfman, tribute by Jonathan Maus. Comments are also worth reading.

Many people in our [Portland] community are mourning Aaron Tarfman today. In the past 24 hours news has spread that he died by suicide on April 29th.

Friends had hoped Aaron was just on another one of his sojourns, like the one he took in 2009. Sadly, this time, he won’t return.

Aaron knew many people in the bike scene and was a dedicated activist who volunteered with many cycling, environmental, and social justice organizations over the years. He was a person wholly devoted to the health of our planet and spent his years doing everything he could to make it better. But while he felt every ounce of the heavy weight of our world, he also had a lightness about him.

I met Aaron back in 2005, like several of the commenters. In the next few years, I saw him at bike rides, bike moves (helping someone move all their stuff by bike), and he even came dancing with me once. We biked down to Reed College and learned a complicated Israeli couple dance that was being taught that night. (Metziut Acheret, I think. It fell out of the repertoire because it was too complicated.)

I was worried in 2009 when he disappeared, and relieved when he returned safe and sound. I hadn't seen him in years, but the news of his death is making me cry. He tried so hard to make the world a better place. I'm so sad that he couldn't find his way through his inner pain to a better place for himself. I wanted him to live, be alive, be well.

Comments

[thistleingrey]

helping someone move all their stuff by bike

That's hard!

Peace to him.

[sonia]

Bike moves are done cooperatively, like a barn-raising. He had various amazing bike trailers that could haul the big furniture. I participated in a couple of bike moves with my Burley trailer and hauled a few boxes. Every little bit helps. It's like a parade, all these loaded bikes being pedaled slowly along. Part of organizing a bike move is scouting the flattest route.

And thank you. I hope somewhere, somehow he knows how mourned he is.

[jesse_the_k]

Oh, that"s so hard. Sending succor and strength.

[sonia]

Thank you. It's harder than I would expect for someone I was friendly with at least a decade ago. It's him personally, and also the gaping societal holes he fell through when he was trying SO HARD.

[jesse_the_k]

It's terrifying the role that luck plays in our ongoing survival. Perhaps that's a force suppressing rebellion (so often a project of the cushioned class, now facing so much precarity)?

[sonia]

Yes to all of that.

I left the Bay Area 17 years ago in part because I was so suicidal that moving to a random new city seemed like a good alternative. I wasn't feeling so despairing in Portland, more just unhappy and weighed down, but I'm still glad I moved in the direction of more happiness. Life is short!

[jesse_the_k]

As the pandemic has illuminated in flashing neon letters: so short!

I'm so sorry to hear how miserable you were. I hope you're returning to the Bay Area with towering piles of coping skills.

[sonia]

Thank you. Yes, better coping skills, more options, and also more healed. The thing about getting out of an abusive relationship is that it's only the beginning of healing.