Catastrophic thinking
Jul. 3rd, 2022 08:52 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
soniaVia siderea.
"The road to fascism is lined with people telling you that you’re overreacting."
- u/Gleeful-Nihilist on r/Collapse, July 2, 2022 (here)
Yes.
I peeked at the r/Collapse reddit and started thinking that maybe I shouldn't be too quick to buy a place here in the Bay Area. If I'm going to have to emigrate suddenly, it's much better to have $ in a bank account than a piece of property. Either one can easily be seized by the government, but the $ are more portable.
Every time I think this through, I come to the conclusion that I'd rather go down with the American ship than start over in Germany or another EU country. I wonder if already having done half the work of relocating changes that calculation. Thing is, I just came home. Not eager to leave again.
I wonder if no house/condo I've looked at feels quite right because I'm looking for something that feels settled and safe, and that's simply not available. Although I do feel surprisingly safe in this apartment. Not the "calculate what kind of neighborhood it is" kind of safe, but the body-level sense that all is well, contributed to by the usual amounts of clunking around from the neighbors.
As I take steps to rearrange my life the way I want it, I wonder if I'm under-reacting to the threat of fascism. In part, I moved to Portland 17 years ago to try to get away from climate change and the looming risk of a catastrophic earthquake. Then I learned about the Cascadia Subduction Zone, and we had three extreme climate events in a single year. If I can't get away from it, the choice is where do I want to go through it, and the answer is here.
Similarly, I think part of the reason I keep deciding to stay in the US is that other countries are equally at risk of right-wing takeovers. Being an immigrant is an even rawer deal when that happens.
Healing from trauma has been a long process of learning how to settle my system out of panic rather than being terrified in every moment. Even if panic and terror are appropriate responses to what's happening, I don't want to live like that. I want to find calm and peace and joy where I can, in seeing old friends and beloved neighborhoods and the spectacular San Francisco Bay.
Tomorrow I'm biking across the Richmond-San Rafael Bridge because that's allowed now, to see a friend I've known for 30 years who lives over there. I already have more options for people to get together with on a holiday weekend here than I ever did in Portland.
(No local annoying small fireworks so far, but someone is setting off a bunch of professional-sounding big ones with deep booms somewhere in the vicinity, tonight on July 3. Still not nearly as loud as it was in Portland. I went out to look and don't see them, so they must be further away than they sound like.)
ETA: A hopeful comic about working toward change by![[archiveofourown.org profile]](https://p.dreamwidth.org/b164c54b26e4/-/archiveofourown.org/favicon.ico)
potofsoup via minoanmiss.
siderea."The road to fascism is lined with people telling you that you’re overreacting."
- u/Gleeful-Nihilist on r/Collapse, July 2, 2022 (here)
Yes.
I peeked at the r/Collapse reddit and started thinking that maybe I shouldn't be too quick to buy a place here in the Bay Area. If I'm going to have to emigrate suddenly, it's much better to have $ in a bank account than a piece of property. Either one can easily be seized by the government, but the $ are more portable.
Every time I think this through, I come to the conclusion that I'd rather go down with the American ship than start over in Germany or another EU country. I wonder if already having done half the work of relocating changes that calculation. Thing is, I just came home. Not eager to leave again.
I wonder if no house/condo I've looked at feels quite right because I'm looking for something that feels settled and safe, and that's simply not available. Although I do feel surprisingly safe in this apartment. Not the "calculate what kind of neighborhood it is" kind of safe, but the body-level sense that all is well, contributed to by the usual amounts of clunking around from the neighbors.
As I take steps to rearrange my life the way I want it, I wonder if I'm under-reacting to the threat of fascism. In part, I moved to Portland 17 years ago to try to get away from climate change and the looming risk of a catastrophic earthquake. Then I learned about the Cascadia Subduction Zone, and we had three extreme climate events in a single year. If I can't get away from it, the choice is where do I want to go through it, and the answer is here.
Similarly, I think part of the reason I keep deciding to stay in the US is that other countries are equally at risk of right-wing takeovers. Being an immigrant is an even rawer deal when that happens.
Healing from trauma has been a long process of learning how to settle my system out of panic rather than being terrified in every moment. Even if panic and terror are appropriate responses to what's happening, I don't want to live like that. I want to find calm and peace and joy where I can, in seeing old friends and beloved neighborhoods and the spectacular San Francisco Bay.
Tomorrow I'm biking across the Richmond-San Rafael Bridge because that's allowed now, to see a friend I've known for 30 years who lives over there. I already have more options for people to get together with on a holiday weekend here than I ever did in Portland.
(No local annoying small fireworks so far, but someone is setting off a bunch of professional-sounding big ones with deep booms somewhere in the vicinity, tonight on July 3. Still not nearly as loud as it was in Portland. I went out to look and don't see them, so they must be further away than they sound like.)
ETA: A hopeful comic about working toward change by
minoanmiss.
no subject
Date: 2022-07-04 10:21 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-07-04 01:32 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-07-04 03:33 pm (UTC)Yep, this. And though my face is never at home, here I know some systemic issues; if I moved, I'd have to learn those all over again, too (including if moving away from US W Coast).
Having calm, peace, and joy can lend the strength to take reasonable actions and thus increase chance of survival, I think, including community survival. Otherwise, it's only ever "resilience," and I find that that works better as the backup plan, not the first couple rounds....
no subject
Date: 2022-07-05 02:51 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-07-05 03:13 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-07-05 02:07 pm (UTC)Out of curiosity, is the apartment a place you could choose to stay if you wanted? (Or is it not a place where you'd want to stay long-term?)
no subject
Date: 2022-07-05 03:20 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-07-12 01:38 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-07-12 03:11 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-07-17 05:19 pm (UTC)(And we're glad to have you back in the area!)
no subject
Date: 2022-07-17 10:49 pm (UTC)