PSA: "Starting to feel better" does not equal "not infectious"

[sonia]

This PSA brought to you by the friend I met with outdoors, so no masks, who breathed in my face and then said he's recovering from a cold. "I'm feeling better, so I'm not infectious anymore." His voice was still raspy and it was clear his head was still full of gunk. I had a stuffed head and occasional sneezing for a week. Fortunately a week when I didn't have many in-person plans.

And also by the friend who said she had a mild sore throat a couple days before I was seeing her. When I checked in, she said she was feeling fine and a mask wasn't necessary. I had my doubts, but went along with the social pressure. Now I have a scratchy throat and raspy voice, and she has developed laryngitis. Welp. I did have a lot of in-person plans this week, but I guess I'll be canceling them.

I haven't tested positive for Covid in all this, so maybe they're "just" colds. But I still don't feel well, and they disrupt my life, since I don't want to keep passing the germs along.

I sympathize - before the start of the pandemic, my mantra used to be "I'm not sick! I'm not sick! I'm getting better! I'm getting better!" I know it's hard to communicate about illness and just stay home, but please, just stay home until you're really symptom-free, not just starting to feel better.

Comments

as you know

[redbird]

Maybe they're "just" colds, but there's no way to be sure of that, and the same people who tell me that covid is no big deal will confidently say "well, it's not covid, so stop worrying."

And the sort of interactions you describe are part of why I have almost no in-person social life.

Re: as you know

[sonia]

I'm sorry for your loss of in-person social life, and it totally makes sense to avoid the risks. I start to feel like I'm being over-anxious, over-cautious, and then I get sick and go back to being more careful again. The PSA is a reminder for future!me as much as anyone else.

[threemeninaboat]

I have absolutely lost friends over this. Like I don't know why they think I'm so important to hang out with that it cannot wait until you are actually not sick.

[sonia]

I don't know about your friends in particular. I figure part of it is the collective belief that we can control whether we get sick by choosing "good" behaviors. Admitting we're sick becomes admitting to a moral failing. Plus we get taught to just tough it out and go to school, go to work. Makes it hard to say, "I don't feel well, let's reschedule." I was really hoping the pandemic would shift that, but apparently not.

Oh, you named that tune!

[jesse_the_k]

I knew that we readily lie to ourselves about being virtuous enough to evade airborne viruses.

But admitting we're sick becomes admitting to a moral failing is indeed the logical conclusion. And how the hell do we fight back against that?

(Nestles nicely with the moral model of disability, where impairment is evidence of God's judgement.)

Re: Oh, you named that tune!

[sonia]

I don't know how we fight against that. Except I keep saying that Universal Basic Income would solve most of our problems, and then we'd have the energy to tackle whatever is left. If everyone feels safe and cared for and isn't worried about where their next meal or shelter will come from, it becomes ok to be ill, short-term or long-term.

Re: Oh, you named that tune!

[jesse_the_k]

UBI does seem like it could solve many problems, and we can certainly afford it.

[house_wren]

It does seem like some kind of cultural or human need to ignore illness. Well, that, and capitalism.

Most of the time I can just wear a mask and politely decline invitations to go places that don't feel safe; once in a while I feel hurt or angry. Most people can't remember that my immune system is faulty.

I'm grateful that I like solitude. It would be a lot harder to protect myself if I was extroverted.

[sonia]

Yeah. Capitalism. *spits*

I'm glad it mostly works for you, and I'm sorry people can't remember about your immune system. I don't mind solitude, but I also have hobbies that are best done in groups, which is awkward these days.

[umadoshi]

Ugh, ugh, UGH. I'm so sorry you're sick, especially when it's because of thoughtless friends. I hope you recover quickly and fully, whatever it is.

[sonia]

Thank you!

[sabotabby]

Also, if you do feel well, you might still be carrying a virus that can kill someone else. If it was just obvious illness, we wouldn't have a global pandemic.

(I'm the same way—I will drag myself into work half-dead.)

[sonia]

Yeah, that's the thing that boggles me. People believe they absolutely know when they're not contagious, and it has nothing to do with reality. It's partly a lack of body awareness - maybe they feel extra tired, and don't stop to think about why.

[sabotabby]

I'm like that. I'm exhausted all the time so I can't tell I'm sick unless I'm dying.

[sonia]

<3 That's rough.

[conuly]

People do recover faster if they stop saying they're getting better and instead start saying that they're still sick and will stay in bed.

[sonia]

I'm sure you're right! Although I tend to feel better when I'm upright and breathing outside air, which does get me up and out of bed.

[conuly]

Sitting restfully outside is also helpful, just so long as you're not over-exerting yourself.

[amethyst73]

Argh. I'm so sorry! Feel better soon.

In my last workplace, I was a technician to a staff scientist from Germany. I came in obviously and nastily sick one day (because 'Murica, where, as you said in a comment, we're trained to come in to work/school unless we're too sick to move) and he pressed me to go home (actually, he asked me why I was in since I was sick). I got what I considered the "necessary" things done, but undoubtedly infected people in the process. I think/hope current!Me has learned better.

[sonia]

Thank you!

Yeah, I worked today. At least I was sitting at home, not infecting coworkers. It's still kind of setting a bad example, though.

[amethyst73]

Rest when you need it, please. And feel better soon! *hugs*

[silveradept]

Thank you for the reminder, and hopefully we can all remember to take the appropriate amount of time to get well before potentially exposing someone else.

[sonia]

We can all try!

[tshuma]

Argh. I get so frustrated at people who socialize with me while still getting over something without pre-disclosing so I can choose to consent or not. And I'm sorry that happened to you, and also that we're all so conditioned to just keep going no matter what.

[sonia]

Thank you, yeah, it's frustrating all around, and I think it's more systemic than personal. Going on almost a week of being sick, I can see why people just decide they're "well enough."