Eye doctor unclear on consent

[sonia]

Walked out of the middle of my appointment with an eye doctor. "I'm done." Left me shaking with anger and adrenaline, but proud that I listened to myself and took action. She showed no grasp of the concepts of consent and taking input from patients during the prescription check, and I decided there was no way I would allow her to put drops in my eyes. The woman at the front desk didn't charge me for the half-hour I was there, which was nice, and I did get confirmation that my prescription hadn't changed.

Immediately after I said I'm very sensitive to fragrances and chemicals, she opened an alcohol wipe in front of my face. Fortunately I didn't have a strong reaction, although it might have contributed to the adrenaline reaction. I said, "I need you to check with me before you open anything near me." "But it's routine." "That's why I need you to stop and think. I am very sensitive to fragrances and chemicals."

Later. "I'm not interested in an astigmatic correction." No response, continues asking "this one or this one" while rotating lenses. When she got to that part with the other eye, I said, "Did you hear me say I'm not interested in an astigmatic correction?" "Yes, but I'm still going to do this. 1 ... or 2?" "NO! I'm not going to do this." Pauses. Puts that equipment away, moves on to next part.

Checks my existing glasses prescriptions, notes that I have one pair 20/20, one pair less corrected, which is what I said coming in. Long long spiel about reading and being over 40, even though my close vision is perfect, read the smallest line no trouble. I said, yes, I understand, the 20/20 pair are only for driving or concerts. Continues spiel about the weaker pair being better for reading, so she'd recommend, blah blah blah. I DON'T READ WITH THE STRONG PAIR. That's when I decided I was done. ARGH!!

Pleased with how I handled it, ultimately no harm done, but shaken by the doctor's utter imperviousness to input. Are most people okay with being treated that way? After saying I was done, I asked her how long she's been in practice. "A decade." "Huh, I would have thought you would have acquired some communication skills between now and then." I mean, SERIOUSLY.

Comments

[dorothean]

Ugh, ugh, ugh.

Going to the eye doctor about a year and a half ago was one of the most triggering experiences I've had recently. I actually enjoy my regular doctor, because she communicates WITH me and listens to me and explains things to me and doesn't treat me like a machine that needs oiling and adjusting.

[sonia]

Glad to hear you have a good regular doctor, and sorry to hear about the eye doctor experience.

Oddly enough, I haven't had a bad one in many years, so my guard wasn't up. *sigh* I usually have more trouble with dentists. These medical professionals on power trips are bizarre. I find myself speaking slow-ly and dis-tinct-ly when someone blows through my boundaries, which probably doesn't actually help anything.

[jesse_the_k]

Yeah, the slowly & distinctly doesn't help much when normate bigots use it on us, but still the impulse to do something rather than piss on their foot is strong.

Quiet yet demonstrative applause for speaking up for your rights and boundaries. Also Buffy clusters for coming up with the great snark re: learning communication skills.

The thing about health practitioners is it's so hard to open up our hearts and souls for profound examination, yet keep ourselves guarded and safe. That sort of effort stresses every mental and emotional skill I've got.

Was this hopeless case an ophthalmologist, or an optometrist? Because my folks took me to ophthas age 4, I developed the habit of seeing them. Much the same as you did, they often went through the "standards," while ignoring my concerns. Much later I discovered that optos are more practically focused. I start my appts with my functional goals, my long term issues, any new changes and I find the optos much more willing for me to set the agenda.

Best wishes for finding a better practitioner!

[Icon resembles me age four]

[sonia]

I laughed about "piss on their foot." Thanks, I needed that. Also thanks for applause. It's interesting to be angry about boundary violations without being triggered - adult-me handles things better than child-me. Or anyway differently and with less stress.

It's an interesting question - how to indicate to someone that they have screwed up royally without "behaving badly" in some way. I'm not sure it's possible. I try to leave before I start yelling, at least.

This one was an ophthalmologist. (Dang, it's even harder to type than to say.) Thanks for the optometrist tip, that sounds useful.

[heh for icon, and 4y.o. self. I was seven when I got glasses, and they were big round plastic ones.]

[tim]

I think most people are used to the idea that when you go to a doctor, you completely surrender consent. Which is obviously awful for all kinds of reasons :-\

I hate getting eye drops put in and, even worse, the glaucoma test where they touch your eye with the stick. Some eye doctors I've been to get the idea of working with my reflexive reaction to these things... and some think that saying "relax" will help.

When I went for a regular checkup yesterday I was pleasantly surprised when the nurse's assistant asked me whether or not I wanted to be weighed. I said no. At the same place before, they haven't asked, and at a couple of other doctors I go to, they don't ask (they just say "we're going to take your weight"). I think I'm going to start saying no even if they don't ask.

[sonia]

Yay for respect for consent at your doctor's office! Enthusiastic support for saying no even if they don't ask about weighing. The more of us out there exposing them to autonomy, the less shocked they'll be when someone takes charge of their own body.

[trouble]

That sounds so terrible and stressful.

[sonia]

It sucked. At the same time, walking out left me feeling strong and proud, so it wasn't all bad. It helped that the receptionist calmly listened and didn't charge me (even if she didn't apologize on behalf of the dr. either).