House rules
Dec. 21st, 2014 09:56 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
soniaI'm noticing some of my internal rules lately.
It feels like these rules have pain and fear behind them, attempts to Be Good in response to past disasters. It would be easy to allow them to close around me like a curtain, and erase whatever I might want or ask for. They're not necessarily bad rules, but it's interesting to notice them as imperatives I might have a choice about, rather than The Way Things Are.
- When I screw up, I should say so, apologize, and take whatever lumps ensue.
- Did you know powdered sugar has cornstarch in it? Me neither. I claimed the cookies I made were corn-free to someone who doesn't eat corn products. :-(
- Whoever wants more distance gets their way, no negotiating.
- Relationships require radical self-disclosure, equality, and balance.
- Give people space to be exactly who they are. Don't expect them to change. Don't expect them to stay the same (but it's the way to bet).
- Don't talk about emotional pain. Painful things are "hard," or "uncomfortable."
- For the longest time I thought "relationships are hard" meant that terrible pain was expected in relationships.
- Talk about anger in past tense.
It feels like these rules have pain and fear behind them, attempts to Be Good in response to past disasters. It would be easy to allow them to close around me like a curtain, and erase whatever I might want or ask for. They're not necessarily bad rules, but it's interesting to notice them as imperatives I might have a choice about, rather than The Way Things Are.
