Link: 10 things I wish I'd known about gaslighting

[sonia]

10 Things I wish I'd Known About Gaslighting by Shea Emma Fett

Someone once told me they appreciated my gaslighting article because everything else they found online seemed to all be echoing each other. This article, this is new. And spot on.

7. You know what your truth is. You always have. You always will.

Your gaslighter does not see you. You are a shadow standing to the side, trying not to attract attention, while he showers his image of you with love and attention. And no matter how much your mind is in knots, you know this to be true. You know the space you occupy, even if you hate yourself for it. If you look back, if you look inside, you will see that you always knew that something was wrong. It may feel like you lost your core. But it was always there. The alarm system always worked, you just learned to stop listening to it. You have not lost as much as you think.

via kaberett

Comments

[kaberett]

(you keep telling me I'm beautiful/but I feel a little less so each time/your love is so colourful/it flashes out like a neon sign/but I finally drove out where/the sky is dark enough to see stars/and I found I missed no-one/just listening to the swishing of distant cars//and I hope I never see the ocean again/pushing and pulling at me as I go deeper and deeper in/til I'm so far from my shore/so far from what I came here for/I let you surround me/I let you drown me/out with your din--/and then I learned how to swim)

[sonia]

Yeah, that's it alright. Ani Difranco must have been there too.

What I hate is when the outside world reinforces the gaslighting instead of helping. The essay mentioned that, too. And by "world", I mean "people."

[kaberett]

Yeah. And... yeah.

Reminding myself that I can learn to swim is useful, sometimes.

[sonia]

I keep thinking I can learn to swim, in this sense, and I keep being wrong. Staying away is what works for me. (Not at all arguing with what works for you.)