Thinking about privilege on the bus
Sep. 26th, 2011 11:13 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
soniaI didn't expect the bus to be so crowded. The only empty seat was just behind the disabled-accessible seats, by the window, next to a short, round, white, possibly intellectually disabled woman. Except the seat wasn't empty. It was full of her stuff, and her determined body language said she wasn't planning to move it.
"Fine," I thought. "If she needs the extra seat to get through her day, she's welcome to it." The tall, thin, suited white guy behind her shook his head commiseratingly (he thought).
After a few stops, one of the disabled-accessible seats opened up and I took it, poised to get up if anyone boarded who needed it.
A scruffy able-bodied middle-aged white guy got on, leaned over the short woman, and demanded she move her things. As I stood up and told him he could have my seat, another passenger chimed in to say the woman couldn't hear him because she's deaf. He took the seat, and I soon found another across the aisle, next to the tall thin black guy with teeth missing who commented kindly about how none of us own any of these seats.
The short woman signed something to me. I guessed it meant "thank you" and mouthed back, hoping she reads lips, "You're welcome." Anyone here sign? Thumb flicking off her chin was part of it.
I'm telling you this story because that's how I'd like to move through the world - with enough physical and emotional resources to give people around me the room they need to get through their days.
By contrast, I've noticed with shame that when I feel squeezed by someone else's actions, I sometimes inadvertently pass that along to someone with less privilege. Twice when I've been in charge of audience questions, after being unable to cut off a long-winded white man, I have interrupted a woman of color. The opposite of what I want to do! That blocked "time to stop!" energy pops out in a direction where my interrupting signals have more power.
It gives me a little more compassion for people like the impatient scruffy white guy, and the disrespectful computer support people. Doesn't mean I have to put up with their behavior, but I can see it as symptomatic of larger problems rather than a vendetta against me.
As for my own behavior, I'm not sure how to improve it except to keep noticing and having clear intentions and trying to fix it when I screw up. Also I would love to learn how to interrupt long-winded white guys (any hints?) but that might not be how privilege works.
"Fine," I thought. "If she needs the extra seat to get through her day, she's welcome to it." The tall, thin, suited white guy behind her shook his head commiseratingly (he thought).
After a few stops, one of the disabled-accessible seats opened up and I took it, poised to get up if anyone boarded who needed it.
A scruffy able-bodied middle-aged white guy got on, leaned over the short woman, and demanded she move her things. As I stood up and told him he could have my seat, another passenger chimed in to say the woman couldn't hear him because she's deaf. He took the seat, and I soon found another across the aisle, next to the tall thin black guy with teeth missing who commented kindly about how none of us own any of these seats.
The short woman signed something to me. I guessed it meant "thank you" and mouthed back, hoping she reads lips, "You're welcome." Anyone here sign? Thumb flicking off her chin was part of it.
I'm telling you this story because that's how I'd like to move through the world - with enough physical and emotional resources to give people around me the room they need to get through their days.
By contrast, I've noticed with shame that when I feel squeezed by someone else's actions, I sometimes inadvertently pass that along to someone with less privilege. Twice when I've been in charge of audience questions, after being unable to cut off a long-winded white man, I have interrupted a woman of color. The opposite of what I want to do! That blocked "time to stop!" energy pops out in a direction where my interrupting signals have more power.
It gives me a little more compassion for people like the impatient scruffy white guy, and the disrespectful computer support people. Doesn't mean I have to put up with their behavior, but I can see it as symptomatic of larger problems rather than a vendetta against me.
As for my own behavior, I'm not sure how to improve it except to keep noticing and having clear intentions and trying to fix it when I screw up. Also I would love to learn how to interrupt long-winded white guys (any hints?) but that might not be how privilege works.
no subject
Date: 2011-09-27 02:49 am (UTC)"... how none of us own any of these seats" are true words of wisdom. If I can shut up my internal "I'm the smartiest smarty-pants" for ten minutes, I always learn something. Another gem came from a driver: "Well, that passenger wasn't much fun but he's in the rearview mirror already."
"Thank you" looks like this; what you describe could be "peanut"?!?
no subject
Date: 2011-09-27 05:26 am (UTC)