Elders and mentors for queer kids

sqbr posted a link to a Tumblr discussion about how kids need elders and mentors. Specifically queer kids, although it applies more generally.

My first thought was, what better way to isolate and brainwash kids than to separate them from trustworthy adults in their lives. I wouldn't be surprised to find out "All adults interested in kids are predators" is another bot-driven meme to make kids more vulnerable to other misinformation.

Conspiracy theories aside, I had a lot of emotions about the topic. As a child, I needed trustworthy elders and mentors in my life so badly. I kept reaching out, and found some good ones, but unfortunately some did turn out to be predators. Even the predators helped save my life, so I'm in no way arguing with the need for kids to have more adults in their lives. Even if the parents aren't abusive, it's good to have more perspectives on how to be an adult and what different humans and different lives can look like.

sqbr says

And the more unusual/marginalised a kid is the less examples they’ll have encountered of how to be an adult and also trans, or in a long term lesbian relationship, or an activist, etc. It can often feel like it’s not possible, that they’ll have to ‘grow up’ and become 'normal’. By knowing adults more like them, it gives hope for a future where they can grow up and still remain themselves. I know a number of younger non binary people who have taken heart from seeing me just existing as a 40 something non binary person, because it can feel like that’s not an option. Meeting relatable older people has been, and continues to be, incredibly helpful for me figuring out who I am and who I want to be. Growing up never stops.

I'm coincidentally reading "Care of: Letters, Connections, and Cures" by Ivan Coyote (recommended by muccamukk), which starts with the same topic of queer kids needing adult support and mentoring. I've been shedding tears for young me (and older me, to be honest) who has cobbled together a life path but hasn't had a lot of clear mentors and role models. It feels useful to step back and grieve for that as a whole, and also see that maybe the pervasive sense of doing it wrong is more about not having a path to follow than actually doing it wrong.

I also struggle with being careful with the power dynamics but not over-protective in friendships with much younger people. I keep wanting to give them things, both tangible and intangible, which is fine until it tips over into feeling used. Even in that, it would be helpful to have positive examples from my life to follow. I have some negative examples that definitely inform what I'm not doing!

Also relatedly, I recently went looking for the blog post Queer Time: The Alternative to “Adulting” by Sara Jaffe to send someone. I discovered that I had put it in a link post but failed to put in the link. Fortunately the title was enough to find it again, and I also fixed the post.