Leftover Thanksgiving query

[sonia]

One of the figurative leftovers from my friend's visit is puzzling over ownership of literal leftovers. My friend's narcissistic partner (let's call her Nan, for short) made it known several times that she expected to take a share of Thanksgiving leftovers with her when they left. I said no every time, and indeed did not give them any, except the dish my friend prepared (with ingredients I provided). I spent a lot of money, time, and energy on that food, and it's *mine*. My fridge and freezer have plenty of room in them.

As far as I remember, my parents didn't send leftovers home with people. I have been the happy recipient of Thanksgiving leftovers at other people's homes, but it certainly wouldn't occur to me to demand them. I also help cook, unlike Nan who found other things to do so assiduously that she was late sitting down to eat with us. To be fair, my friend did help, although I had to be firm to keep her from getting distracted by Nan's drama.

My parents immigrated to the US as young adults. Did we miss learning some essential part of the Thanksgiving ritual? Does feeding someone Thanksgiving dinner imply a commitment to sharing the leftovers? Is there a regional aspect to this? I grew up in Northern Virginia.

Comments

[laughingrat]

Hmm, well we send each other home with leftovers in my family, but it's all family. And it's sort of what we do. We're a very leftover-share-y, food-share-y family. I think if I went to a friend's Thanksgiving, I would not expect to be given leftovers, because they had just straight-up shared a dang MEAL with me.

[cofax7]

Yes, this. I take leftovers home from my sister's because I cooked half the meal and bought the turkey, even if we did 90% of the cooking in her kitchen. And we sent leftovers home with my folks, becaus they are past the point of being able to prepare that kind of meal for themselves. But I cannot imagine ever being invited to a stranger's house for a meal and then demanding to bring home the leftovers, especially if I hadn't contributed anything to the meal itself.

So good on you, Sonia, for saying no.

[sonia]

Thanks for the support! I felt clear about it at the time, and then there was this niggling worry about selfishness...

[sonia]

Yeah, that! I'm normally leftover share-y too, and in fact I did give them leftover food I'd bought for them which I can't eat, but I wanted to keep the stuff I can eat.