Photoshoot

[sonia]

I had my photoshoot today for an author photo for the new book, and probably for my website as well. I was thinking I would just re-use the photo from 2016, since that photographer is stuck in France by the pandemic according to his website, and where would I find another one. But the graphic artist who helped me with the cover knows people from art school, and she recommended a kind young person who uses old-fashioned equipment, a medium format film camera.

I am not good at being photographed, and it wakes up all sorts of self-judgment, and it additionally reminds me of my abusive dad who liked taking pictures with his film camera. But that was a long time ago and this is different. When I took that selfie the other day to test out backgrounds in the back yard, it was right after my singing lesson, and I noticed that the body awareness, alignment, and facial letting go I've learned for singing are also helpful for being photographed.

So I dug through my wardrobe for clothing that's professional and looks nice and will coordinate with the new cover's colors, and also that I can wear for an outdoor photoshoot at a chilly 45F. I think it worked out okay. I'm definitely not good at "professional" by the corporate world's standards, but I did my best with the clothing and body and age I have, and I'm not going to start with makeup at this late date.

It was nice to start in the back yard for feeling more comfortable, and then we walked up to the nearby park. For every photo, I pretended I was about to start singing. We took a couple of photos against a huge cedar tree at the edge of a neighbor's yard, and I hope one of those turns out. We'll see!

My attitude toward the whole thing is that I'm lucky it's happening at all in a pandemic (we were both masked except I took my mask off for the actual photos), and I'm lucky to have professional photos taken, and they turn out however they turn out. I went into it intending to enjoy the experience, and I did, but I burst into tears once it was all over. There's a special kind of stress in relaxing about something that is in fact stressful.

Now I get to wait a week for the film to be developed, and then they do some post-processing, and then I'll find out if I have any images I'm willing to share with the world.

Comments

[julian]

It's a testament to the kinds of work you've been doing, for decades, that you're aware of the sorts of underlying tremors, but find ways to work with and around them. It's encouraging.

[sonia]

Glad to hear it's encouraging! There's something in me that's so tired of being brave and figuring things out, but it's still better than the alternative.

[asakiyume]

here's a special kind of stress in relaxing about something that is in fact stressful. --This is *very* true.

[sonia]

Yeah, there's an emotional reaction after getting through something scary and vulnerable, even if it goes well.