Poem by Brenna Twohy
Dec. 20th, 2020 11:49 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
soniarunpunkrun posted as part of a book review this poem by Brenna Twohy that stopped me in my tracks with the way each line unfolds a new world.When I Say I Forgive You, Know This
I did not bury the hatchet.
I have the hatchet in my hands.
I am building myself a new house.
Someone recently accused me of holding a grudge, where I saw it as naming a pattern. I do believe in forgiveness, and I also believe in noticing if the same unpleasant thing happens again. Assuming people's forgiveness and forgetfulness can be an aspect of privilege.
It can also be an aspect of community. I have a clear "NO" inside that had me spend last weekend re-implementing this group's website on wordpress.com so they can edit it themselves if/when I bail out. I also wonder sadly if I'm missing interpersonal skills that would open more of a feeling of community to me.
That same source of "NO" says not here, not now. It's mysterious to feel so fully clear and questioning at the same time.
That act of building the website feels like part of building myself a new house. Or at least, building myself a door out of the old one.
I have also been wanting a literal new house lately. Smaller, warmer, in a place that's friendlier to me. I hope I'll build and find my way toward that, whether or not it turns out to be a literal change of houses.
no subject
Date: 2020-12-21 08:26 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-12-21 08:28 pm (UTC)Also yay I got your card today <3 <3 <3
no subject
Date: 2020-12-23 04:43 am (UTC)beams :)
Can you say more about
Date: 2020-12-22 12:32 am (UTC)"no" and website building?
Re: Can you say more about
Date: 2020-12-22 02:28 am (UTC)But I didn't want to leave them in the lurch, so I reimplemented the website on Wordpress. The website needed updating anyway, and it's good for the group to be less dependent on me even if I stick around.
I did have a good conversation with someone today so I'm feeling better about staying with the group, at least for now. And it still feels good to have accomplished that with the website. Feels good to have fresh air from the open door, even if I don't walk through it.
Re: Can you say more about
Date: 2020-12-22 10:01 pm (UTC)Feels good to have fresh air from the open door, even if I don't walk through it.
Ahhh.
Excellent balance between maintaining your boundaries and supporting a group that's important to you.
(I bet starting with Wordpress now is several ton easier than it would have been in 2008.)
Re: Can you say more about
Date: 2020-12-23 03:10 am (UTC)