Word of the Year: Kindness

[sonia]

My word of the year for this year was kindness. I had no idea how crucially important it would become!

Over this year I have consciously reminded myself that people are stressed by the pandemic, and been as kind and patient as I can. I have been hungrily grateful for every scrap of kindness people have thrown my way in brief personal interactions.

The Untangling class was a big part of this year. The teachers have treated me with a surprising, disappointing lack of kindness. I'll be glad to see the back end of the class in two months, which is not how I was expecting to feel about it. I did make some good connections with fellow students along the way, which salvaged something from it.

I'm clear that I deserved kinder treatment, in spite of or perhaps because of my own tangles, especially since the teachers claim to be fully untangled and self-aware. That's new for me, to say, "Those interactions didn't go the way I wanted them to," but not endlessly rake myself over the coals for what I should have done differently.

Overall, I feel like more kindness has seeped into me and through me during the year, and I'm pleased with that.

I happened across this youtube video today via goss. Kindness as revolution by Beau of the Fifth Column.

The article I linked to last year still feels relevant. The Act of Kindness: A Challenge for Direct Support Professionals by Dave Hingsburger.

And so does Dave Hingsburger's post today: good will. "Peace on earth to those of good will."

For 2021, I'm choosing respect. When it first floated up it seemed dry and abstract, but the more I thought about it the juicier and more relevant it got.

In April 2015, Autistic Abby wrote (via)

Sometimes people use “respect” to mean “treating someone like a person” and sometimes they use “respect” to mean “treating someone like an authority”

and sometimes people who are used to being treated like an authority say “if you won’t respect me I won’t respect you” and they mean “if you won’t treat me like an authority I won’t treat you like a person”

and they think they’re being fair but they aren’t, and it’s not okay.

I want to be treated like a person, of course. Over the last few years I've learned to pay close attention when I feel the need to wave an imaginary little "Person!" pennant. It's not my job to make people understand that I'm a person. It might be my job to get the heck away from their lack of understanding.

I also want to be treated like an authority. Not in an authoritarian way, but in an "I know what I'm talking about" way.

I remember a conversation with my parents when I was around 8 years old. We were going somewhere in the car, and I made some statement. They pooh-poohed it the way they pooh-poohed everything I said. I was already tired of it by that age, and said, "Sometimes I'm right! Why don't you ever act like I'm right!" They agreed to sometimes say, "Yes, dear," rather than immediately contradicting me, which is not what I meant at all. I wanted them to pause and think I might be right. (The only time I got that was occasionally about the definition of a word, backed up by the dictionary, since English was their fourth or fifth language.)

I have a really good memory, and I give things a lot of thought. I generally know when I know things, and when I'm not sure. I'm also quick to say, "Well, maybe you're right, let's check." Respect goes both ways.

I've had similar struggles in my adult life where it doesn't enter people's heads to consider that I might be right. I know part of it is that I'm a woman, now middle-aged, without the social markers of authority like suits and heels and makeup.

I want respect anyway. From others, and from myself.


Full list:
2021: Respect
2020: Kindness
2019: Warmth
2018: Care
2017: Solace
2016: Ease
2015: Music
2014: Welcome
2013: Relax
2012: Connection
2011: Delight
2010: Flow