Links: Communication at work

[sonia]

Some excellent advice about communicating at work, or wherever you happen to need to get things done with people you didn't choose and don't necessarily like.

Comment from hildi at Ask A Manager (2013)

I think this just speaks to the point about how there are relationship-focused people and task-focused people. In my classes I give everyone the following passionate speech: “The relationship focused folks need to work on being less sensitive. If you know you’re dealing with a task focused individual and they say something that feels kind of rude, let it go. They are probably not focused on the relationship right now. They are focused on what’s important to them and that’s the task. They can work with you regardless of whether they like you or not.

“On the other hand, you task-focused folks: you need to understand that when you’re dealing with relationship focused people that it is critical for them that they don’t feel the relationship is in jeopardy when dealing with you. They mistake your “get to the point” with a blow to the relationship, you need to be aware of that and find a softer way to say the same thing. ”

Interview with an incredibly diplomatic person … or how to agreeably disagree at Ask a Manager. An interview with hildi, containing more great advice.

Clear is Kind, Unclear is Unkind by Brene Brown.

Feeding people half-truths or bullshit to make them feel better (which is almost always about making ourselves feel more comfortable) is unkind.

Not getting clear with a colleague about your expectations because it feels too hard, yet holding them accountable or blaming them for not delivering is unkind.

Talking about people rather than to them is unkind.

The SCARF model of social threat & reward, originally by David Rock.

[W]e have strong drives to seek out five key things: status, certainty, autonomy, relatedness and fairness.

Comments

Re: That SCARF model

[sonia]

I told the lead project manager at work that I admired how he communicates, and he pointed me to the SCARF model. He's a big Black man, and I'm sure part of it is needing to appear non-threatening, but there's an extra gentleness in how he deals with people that I really appreciate.