grounding and support

[sonia]

I recently had a couple of people suggest grounding exercises in the context of offering support. I experienced that as the opposite of support. "Please ground yourself so I don't have to be around your messy emotions."

Thinking it over, I could see how getting grounded, connecting with this big planet we walk around on, could be a supportive experience. I could see how they were trying to offer tools that are generally useful.

I still think there's something one human can offer another which involves *being supportive*, listening, offering validation, allowing emotions to be big and messy, rather than suggesting tools for self-support.

What is your experience around grounding and support and how they relate to each other?

Comments

[untonuggan]

I, um, have very complicated feels related to this term due to a really horrible experience in a religious group. I won't go into some of the really awful boundary-violating stuff that does not relate to grounding in particular, but...

...as an exercise about one week after you have taught someone to ground, telling them to go to one of the busiest places in your city and practicing grounding, centering, and shielding until it stops making them uncomfortable. And go back again if they do not succeed...

...and also assumming that this is a thing everyone should be fine with, off the bat, and that no one might, say, HAVE HUGE FRIGGING SENSORY OVERLOAD ISSUES and that is why they tend to avoid this particular place. Or that if sensory overload issues are mentioned, those are figments of medical peoples' imaginations which can be fixed by the techniques mentioned above if only people are persistent. Thereby shaming those who are, you know, having perfectly valid feelings.

So, yeah, I have a lot of baggage with advices and particularly advices which *can* translate to, "Your stuff is too difficult, please stuff it somewhere I don't want to see it."

Um, that might not have been what you wanted to hear?

OTOH, I have used some of those techniques when I have been really uber upset: say, on another continent, had a small-t-traumatic experience, and have no way to contact my therapist or certain other supportive people. Kind of like, I don't know, spiritual band-aids?

It could possibly be more than that for certain people, but a) I flinch when people I know talk about grounding being a cure-all; b) I have enough medical issues (physical and psychological) that I know, for me, I need way more than just "grounding myself."

I need things like a supportive health care team who aren't made of assholes; I need a talk therapist on various occasions to work through shit; I need to surround myself with people who are supportive; I need those coping skills psych people love to make me make lists of; I need a huge stash of yarn and the right kind of knitting needles; I need access to companion animals.

That was kind of a lot, but I couldn't figure out how to condense it.

[sonia]

"until it stops making you uncomfortable."
Ugh ugh ugh!!!

Thanks for sharing your experiences! I agree, grounding is both important and not a cure-all. And religious bullying sucks.

I keep wondering about the companion animal thing. I'm thinking of biking most of the way to the Humane Society and then walking the rest of the way to avoid their freakout about transporting a cat+carrier in a bike trailer, but then I'm not sure I have the energy to cope with their BS, which makes me wonder if I have the energy to take care of a cat at all. But I do miss having a being in the house who cares about where I am and how I'm doing.

[untonuggan]

Religious bullying does indeed suck. And thanks for listening to me share. It's...not often that I share that particular set of experiences, for a variety of reasonz.

Just a curiosity thing: I don't know about your region in particular, and perhaps this is something you have already tried to address, and another person mentioning the same thing will be the opposite of helpful, but are there other rescue groups besides the Humane Society who are less WHAT A CAT IN A BIKE ZOMG? Or who perhaps might, you know, drop the cat off for you or something? Because seems SO FRIGGING RIDICULOUS. And yet knowing the human species, I can totally see us being that ridiculous.

My vet told us a story about her being denied an adoption application because she didn't have a fenced yard. When she said, yes, but I take my dogs on 5 mile walks and it is impossible to fence that yard and I have had many dogs before and oh does it matter even a tiny bit that I am actually a vet? They were like NO DOG FOR YOU. So I think some of it is the classic "people feeling underappreciated in volunteer roles going on power trips."

Re: Having an animal around: I am obviously not you, etc., and I also have other people in my house who can help pick up the slack or carry around GIANT BAGS of kitty litter. However, I just...I hadn't realized since my dog died in December exactly how much I missed having an animal who gave a shit about me, because I shit you not it helps keep me sane and out of the hospital. It helps make me take my meds and make doctor's appointments. Again, YMMV, but yes. (Then, of course, there is also the joy of the cat wanting to play precisely when I have fallen asleep, but we are working out a sleep schedule that is mutually agreeable.)

[jesse_the_k]

Having an animal around can be life-saving, and is often life-affirming and just damn nice.

Would it be possible to take a taxi home that day? I agree with liz that you could be dealing with shelter folks on a power trip.

[sonia]

Yes, it's possible, and listening to you and untonuggan and myself, I'm considering asking a friend with a car to go with me.

It's just - I have perfectly good transportation already! And asking for help is hard.