Sonia Connolly

Basil continues wonderful. He's getting a sense of home, both staying closer to home and coming in more willingly after he's gone wandering.

He'll eat "dry" food if I pour a little water over it, which relieves my worry about having to figure out exactly how much wet food he should eat, or exactly how long it can sit out and available to him before I should wash it down the sink to avoid spoilage. Probably the dry food doesn't keep that long when wet either, but it seems less worrisome.

I tried to talk to the vet about him not eating very much and being quite thin under all that fur, and got the "overweight cats" lecture. Twice. With no info about underweight cats whatsoever. "He's at his ideal weight," she cooed. Sure he is, with no resilience if it's too hot to eat much or he gets a stomach bug or something. I looked up another vet I've heard good things about that's farther away, but they have a whole section on their website about pet weight loss programs. Good money-makers, I guess.

I always thought Maine Coone cats were stocky, but someone told me they're often lanky like Basil. As long as it's normal for him, that's fine.

Anyway, have a photo of Basil on his cat tree. (Click through for larger images.)

Basil is the most considerate kitty bedfellow I've ever had. He did wrap himself around my head once or twice, and it's too hot for that, but mostly he curled up next to but not on me, and did not rustle around or wake me up early or anything. What a sweetheart.

Today I let him go out in the backyard into our warm sunny day. At first closely supervised and quickly brought in, and then waiting for him to come back on his own, which he did, and then... Let's just say I walked around the block to see if he'd gotten into adjoining yards and then forgotten how to get home. Finally I went back out into my yard and called some more, and he crawled out from under some bushes. Completely invisible under there!

I was all stressed out imagining the Humane Society shaming me for letting him outside too soon if he didn't come back, but I couldn't be mad at him when he finally showed up. He looked nourished by his contact with Nature. Maybe he had a long nap under there. He's been trapped indoors for a long time, and it seems like getting to be out there on his Wild Lone was exactly what he needed.

I took a field trip to the Humane Society with my neighbor, who kindly drove. Met some female cats who swatted or hissed or otherwise clearly indicated their lack of interest in getting to know me better. And then there was this black fluffy male cat who leaned into the cage and purred when I petted him. The sign said to be wary, but he merely turned his head to look at me when I stopped, in that "more, please" kind of way.

So I met him, and he promptly rubbed against me and purred, and a bunch of bureaucracy later, I brought him home. Did you know you have to present a valid driver's license to adopt a cat? Feh. And wow, is the Humane Society a stressful, unhappy place to be.

Someone had named him Clooney, but I'm not willing to holler that down the street, so I renamed him Basil. Kind of along the theme of Willow and Lilac, but more masculine-sounding. Pronounced with a long A, though.

He has a recently-healed fractured jaw, so his face is a little crooked, but he's not protective of it at all, likes to be scritched there. Total lovebug lap cat. When he snuggles in I get the sense of being fellow survivors, and of his relief to be here, rather than there. Maybe I'm projecting, whatever, that's the sense I get. He's 6, which is a little older than I wanted, but oh well.

I hope it works out. I've combed handfuls of fur off him already (and he's currently scratching at the bathroom door, where I put him for his first night). It seems like we're a good fit. He's not nearly as loud as Lilac, which is good, because he does seem to be talkative. I suspect tomorrow night he'll be sleeping with me.

Got a photo of him exploring.

I recently had a couple of people suggest grounding exercises in the context of offering support. I experienced that as the opposite of support. "Please ground yourself so I don't have to be around your messy emotions."

Thinking it over, I could see how getting grounded, connecting with this big planet we walk around on, could be a supportive experience. I could see how they were trying to offer tools that are generally useful.

I still think there's something one human can offer another which involves *being supportive*, listening, offering validation, allowing emotions to be big and messy, rather than suggesting tools for self-support.

What is your experience around grounding and support and how they relate to each other?

Did you know the Oregon Humane Society requires newly adopted pets to be transported home in a car for "safety" and "comfort"? A bike trailer Just Won't Do. I found this out over the phone while inquiring about seeing another cat not at their main facility, fortunately before I fell in love with any particular animal.

I mentioned it on a local bike list and twitter. It's been ... ( interesting )

I love this post by thefourthvine: You're Always Coming Out.

As a single not-particularly-butch woman, I have to work pretty hard to come out as a lesbian, and the conversation always seems to sputter a bit, even with other queer folks. "Oh, I, uh, didn't know that." (Uh-huh, that's why I'm telling you, because last I checked, it's not branded on my forehead. Sigh)

I'm taking a class by phone and we're communicating by email. Today I got an email to the class list advertising a vaguely related paid class (enticing language, testimonials, the works) from one of the students. Oh yeah, she's the primary contact for this paid class.

I sent an email saying it's rude to advertise to a class list without consent. I got back a nice enough email saying she wouldn't do it again, but she called her email an "invitation" several times.

I find myself even angrier than I was originally. It's one thing to spam people, and it's another thing to pretend it's an invitation even after you get called out for spamming. Argh! As usual, I get most upset when people try to warp reality.

I wrote back suggesting a language change. "You invite friends. You advertise a paid class." I notice that something in me is afraid of a backlash for pressing the point.

What if this problem is already solved?
Exit Emergency Mode

New book response at Curious, Healing. Have you read this? Comments welcome!
"Secrets of Feeding a Healthy Family" by Ellyn Satter

Wellspring of Compassion in libraries
I hear with delight that a reader's request resulted in her local library stocking Wellspring of Compassion. I started my search for healing in a library, and my goal is for Wellspring of Compassion to be available to as many people searching for healing as possible. Thanks for requesting it at your local library!

Curious, Healing is a blog, and you're welcome to comment there or here about the books. The articles don't have a comment section. You're welcome to comment here or send me email with any thoughts.

If you want the monthly newsletter in your inbox, along with news about my practice, you can subscribe here.

It was an unpleasant shock to receive a license renewal form for Lilac. "If your pet has passed away, please indicate this in the NOTES section below." I found a way to do it online.

I had forgotten all about this bit of municipal intrusion into my life. I wish the vet had a way of notifying them, although that ends up being even more intrusive, with a license number and death notification being passed around. So many rules. So much surveillance.

I suppose a human death involves a whole lot more paperwork and intrusion.

When we stop fighting our shadows, we see ourselves and the rest of the world more clearly.
Unhook from Projection

New book responses at Curious, Healing. Have you read these? Comments welcome!
"The Dark Side of the Light Chasers" by Debbie Ford
"Child of Mine" by Ellyn Satter

Curious, Healing is a blog, and you're welcome to comment there or here about the books. The articles don't have a comment section. You're welcome to comment here or send me email with any thoughts.

If you want the monthly newsletter in your inbox, along with news about my practice, you can subscribe here.