Word of the Year: Respect
Dec. 31st, 2021 04:10 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
soniaI've enjoyed having Respect as my word of the year, despite my initial reservations.
I've stepped into more fully expecting respect, as a person and as someone who has lived over half a century (!) and learned a thing or two along the way. I left a folk dance group I had been a central part of for 15 years because it wasn't working for me anymore. It's complicated of course, but it could be summarized as I wasn't being treated with respect.
The heat pump for my bedroom was part of respecting my needs. I'm keeping it at its lowest setting, 61F, but it's still a vast improvement over shivering myself to sleep under a big pile of blankets. It's hard to believe I did that for 16 winters, but I tell myself it gave the heat pump technology a chance to improve. I'm still trying to balance my need for comfort with the planetary need for all of us to use less energy.
After a couple of awkward sessions with new bodywork clients earlier in the year, I realized that everyone is traumatized one way or another these days, and I needed to add a filter for people who are a good fit, will benefit from my work, and will treat me like a person. I'm happy with how my Is This You page turned out, and it does seem to be working well as a filter.
I've also gotten firmer about telling people when I don't think it's a good fit, whether that's because of fragrance use, issues that are too big for my scope of practice, or too many risks around Covid. As I write, I'm noticing that I'm proud of that. It's a hard thing to do, disappoint someone who's hoping to find what they need. It's easier to be a chameleon, "Sure, I can work with that!" than to stand firm against someone's push to be what they want instead of who I am.
I made it a practice to express my respect for people and their skills, and watched recipients light up. It's not something I had thought of putting into words before. I already use those important three little words, "You were right," whenever they apply, but sharing my respect takes that to another level. Those of us struggling to be the best humans we can be need to hear about our successes every so often.
My word for 2022 is Home. It's something I think about all the time, so maybe something can shift if I make it an official theme. I still don't feel at home in Portland, coming up on 17 years here. I feel like I would fit in better somewhere else, but I don't know where, and I don't know for sure if that's true. If I had a better idea for where to go, I think I would have left by now. The work of relocating is too daunting to just roll the dice again, the way I did coming here.
The Bay Area feels like home, with my long connections there, but I can't make it work financially unless I take up full-time programming again. Maybe someday, but not now. I did notice that all the people I visited there are in long-term stable couples. It's easier to make it work with two people.
When I moved here, I bought this house defiantly, as part of my quest to give myself everything I thought I needed a partner for. I did assume I would eventually be sharing it with someone (besides the cat), but that hasn't worked out. I try to feel at home here and appreciate it, rather than simply feeling at home. The heat pump is part of trying to fill in what's missing.
I've long said that the Pennywhistlers albums we listened to when I was a kid were more home than my parents' house or the east coast ever was. They were a seven woman choir who were some of the first to bring Balkan harmonies to the US. I'm told I attended a performance of theirs in the womb. The recent Bay Area visit was sparked by the same kind of music the Pennywhistlers sang.
Exploring Home is also about sitting with feeling compelled to learn to sing this music better, and longing so fiercely for other people to sing it with. I forget sometimes that my entanglements with That Guy and my singing friend would have been much easier to cut short if singing had not been involved.
For future reference, I also considered Comfort and Rest.
Full list:
2022: Home
2021: Respect
2020: Kindness
2019: Warmth
2018: Care
2017: Solace
2016: Ease
2015: Music
2014: Welcome
2013: Relax
2012: Connection
2011: Delight
2010: Flow
I've stepped into more fully expecting respect, as a person and as someone who has lived over half a century (!) and learned a thing or two along the way. I left a folk dance group I had been a central part of for 15 years because it wasn't working for me anymore. It's complicated of course, but it could be summarized as I wasn't being treated with respect.
The heat pump for my bedroom was part of respecting my needs. I'm keeping it at its lowest setting, 61F, but it's still a vast improvement over shivering myself to sleep under a big pile of blankets. It's hard to believe I did that for 16 winters, but I tell myself it gave the heat pump technology a chance to improve. I'm still trying to balance my need for comfort with the planetary need for all of us to use less energy.
After a couple of awkward sessions with new bodywork clients earlier in the year, I realized that everyone is traumatized one way or another these days, and I needed to add a filter for people who are a good fit, will benefit from my work, and will treat me like a person. I'm happy with how my Is This You page turned out, and it does seem to be working well as a filter.
I've also gotten firmer about telling people when I don't think it's a good fit, whether that's because of fragrance use, issues that are too big for my scope of practice, or too many risks around Covid. As I write, I'm noticing that I'm proud of that. It's a hard thing to do, disappoint someone who's hoping to find what they need. It's easier to be a chameleon, "Sure, I can work with that!" than to stand firm against someone's push to be what they want instead of who I am.
I made it a practice to express my respect for people and their skills, and watched recipients light up. It's not something I had thought of putting into words before. I already use those important three little words, "You were right," whenever they apply, but sharing my respect takes that to another level. Those of us struggling to be the best humans we can be need to hear about our successes every so often.
My word for 2022 is Home. It's something I think about all the time, so maybe something can shift if I make it an official theme. I still don't feel at home in Portland, coming up on 17 years here. I feel like I would fit in better somewhere else, but I don't know where, and I don't know for sure if that's true. If I had a better idea for where to go, I think I would have left by now. The work of relocating is too daunting to just roll the dice again, the way I did coming here.
The Bay Area feels like home, with my long connections there, but I can't make it work financially unless I take up full-time programming again. Maybe someday, but not now. I did notice that all the people I visited there are in long-term stable couples. It's easier to make it work with two people.
When I moved here, I bought this house defiantly, as part of my quest to give myself everything I thought I needed a partner for. I did assume I would eventually be sharing it with someone (besides the cat), but that hasn't worked out. I try to feel at home here and appreciate it, rather than simply feeling at home. The heat pump is part of trying to fill in what's missing.
I've long said that the Pennywhistlers albums we listened to when I was a kid were more home than my parents' house or the east coast ever was. They were a seven woman choir who were some of the first to bring Balkan harmonies to the US. I'm told I attended a performance of theirs in the womb. The recent Bay Area visit was sparked by the same kind of music the Pennywhistlers sang.
Exploring Home is also about sitting with feeling compelled to learn to sing this music better, and longing so fiercely for other people to sing it with. I forget sometimes that my entanglements with That Guy and my singing friend would have been much easier to cut short if singing had not been involved.
For future reference, I also considered Comfort and Rest.
Full list:
2022: Home
2021: Respect
2020: Kindness
2019: Warmth
2018: Care
2017: Solace
2016: Ease
2015: Music
2014: Welcome
2013: Relax
2012: Connection
2011: Delight
2010: Flow
no subject
Date: 2022-01-01 06:09 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-01-01 06:06 pm (UTC)The question for a word of the year is what do I need, or what am I already struggling with. The first couple of years it was really urgent, I needed those things to get better NOW. Over time my life has been working better, which is nice to notice, but there are still ongoing struggles. And they're all still important. I like how choosing a word gives me permission to take steps toward bringing more of that thing.
no subject
Date: 2022-01-01 07:51 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-01-02 03:07 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-01-02 12:10 am (UTC)Ahhh, HOME will be an interesting touchstone for the year.
I'm so glad you were able to respect your needs with the heat pump.
I spent most of the day slightly underdressed, feeling cold, and I had a strong discussion with myself: why suffer? Get another layer and you'll be happier! I'm glad I noticed, and wish I could install a self-love daemon already.
PENNYWHISTLERS!
We sang Que Bonita Bandara in one of my groups. I loved how the Pennywhistlers brought a modal, slavic sound to their version.
no subject
Date: 2022-01-02 03:14 am (UTC)I love the version of Que Bonita Bandera from Ramita that you linked! How fun that you got to sing that.
The Pennywhistlers were amazing and I love them and I don't think swing was their strong suit.
Glad you managed to get another layer to stay warm. Definitely wishing you self love and self care. Inertia is complicated! For me, there's something about being cold that makes it hard to get up and do something about it.