Word of the Year: Trust

[sonia]

My word of the year this year was Trust. Overall I got what I hoped for.

It started with struggling to trust my big choices the year before around Home. Over time, I'm appreciating my condo and its location more and more. I'm still gradually shifting things around to work better in the limited space, and completing maintenance items left by the previous owner. This is where I wanted and needed to be.

I feel a clearer sense of what trust (and distrust) feel like in my body in relation to other people. When I distrust someone, it feels less tangled with safety. I can be over here, sturdy and safe, and distrust someone else's intentions and behavior. I can trust someone, and know that there might still be glitches and disappointments.

I trust my own signals and perceptions more. I've been in a decades-long struggle with self-trust, with betrayals that felt like they were my fault because I (thought I)(acted as if I) trusted the person. Now that I have people in my life that I trust, and I know what that feels like, it's less about predicting the future and more about sensing genuine care. Trustworthiness.

It feels like paying attention to Trust for a year ended up with being more rooted in myself in the present, less of trying to predict the future and other people's behavior. Also more trust in my connection to Spirit, although I don't have a lot of words around that.

My word for 2024 is Pride. I came to it because I was tripping over so much shame in relation to having trusted or wanted to trust people in the past. Pride feels like it's not allowed, like I should keep my head down and stay small around things I do well, to keep other people from feeling threatened. I'm wondering if I'll find more ease in my body if I allow myself to exist and move with pride.

It's also linked with LGBTQ Pride. Being bi already tends to be invisible, and being single makes it even more so. I put a pride flag heart decal in my window a while back, but the size I picked doesn't show up very well. Small steps, I guess! I have a tiny and conflicted hope for a focus on Pride to lead to a (peaceful! happy!) romantic relationship, since past relationships have been so painful.

A relevant quote from Nina Felwitch

I don't remember who said it and I don't remember the exact words, but being queer is more than just being part of LGBTQIA+. It's political. It's leftist, progressive, anti-fascist.
Fascists can never be queer.
People who reject this word, which the community has reclaimed, usually do so because they don't want to stand out, they want to be assimilated into cisheteronormativity. They want to be "normal", whatever that means.
Being queer is being proud to be different and fighting for a better future for all of us.

I am queer and I am proud to be queer. Being queer makes life more colorful, more beautiful.

I'm feeling some "oh no, not again" as I tackle another area that's been as sticky for me as trust. I'm adding the intention of being very gentle with myself and making room for things to be exactly the way they are.


Full list:
2024: Pride
2023: Trust
2022: Home
2021: Respect
2020: Kindness
2019: Warmth
2018: Care
2017: Solace
2016: Ease
2015: Music
2014: Welcome
2013: Relax
2012: Connection
2011: Delight
2010: Flow

Comments

[to_do_list]

Very interesting reflections. I remember our conversation about trust and trustworthiness. Congratulations on a continued journey and feeling things clearer, with more familiarity.

[sonia]

Thank you!

[batdina]

Thing one: Happy New Year. I still will be in the Bay Area at some point and I'd still like to see you if/when that happens.

Thing two: what kind of discernment goes into learning what your year-word is? I'm thinking it's time for me to have that kind of focus, but I haven't a clue how to find mine, if that makes sense.

Thing three: I'm so glad that Trust gave you what you needed this year. It's a pleasure to watch you navigate the world and I don't take that for granted.

xo

[sonia]

Happy New Year! Always great to hear from you. Yes, please let me know when you'll be here.

I think the main question around the next word of the year is, what do I need more of? And/or what do I need to explore, even if it makes me flinch at the same time. Maybe ask yourself what leads you to want that kind of focus. Generally a word floats up before the end of the year, and it's both surprising and obvious at the same time. I'm noticing an underlying question of, what needs healing? I think any word you choose with that intention will work fine. Thanks for the chance to think about this!

Thank you for the gladness and kind words. <3 It feels so knobbly and awkward from the inside, I'm glad it's a pleasure from the outside!